Just Like Always
by Wings of Legacy
Summary: Levi is emotionally crippled after Petra's death. He feels completely alone, but is he? One-Shot. Chance of more chapters. T for swearing and character death.


**WARNING: EXTREME FEELS AHEAD. PROCEED WITH TISSUES. Enjoy your soul crushing Levi x Petra fic you for some reason want to read. I've done my time drowning in feels, now it's your turn.**

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><p>He wouldn't cry. Just like always.<p>

Even though he was alone in the forest, surrounded by the corpses of his comrades, he wouldn't. Levi felt like stone as he blankly stared at Petra's lifeless body. He knew her death was inevitable. He knew all of theirs were. But never had he felt so broken. He felt shattered, paralyzed. As if for a moment, nothing was real. It was just a nightmare... One he has had before.

_"Levi!" She screamed. "Do something! Help us!"_

_Levi tried desperately to reach his comrades, but his movements were slowed, as if he were moving though honey._

_"Levi!" Her terrified shrieks echoed through his skull as he became frantic. He's not going to make it. He's not going to make it. His teammates were about to be slaughtered. Eaten. Dismembered. He froze in time as one by one, his friends... his comrades... Were devoured. "Petra!" He called out to her. But it was too late, with one swipe of the titans hand, Petra flew backwards and into darkness. He heard a crunch, then silence._

_"P-Petra..." He choked out. "Don't... Don't go."_

But this time it was real. It was real, and awful, and he wanted to vomit. But not here. He would always keep his feelings inside, to himself. Just like always. He shuddered, all the heat leaving his body, as he touched her hair. Soft, silky, but so very dirty. Her hair was caked with blood, probably her own. Her face was covered with streaks of red. Levi's hand shakily receded. She was stone cold. He was too late... Not only too late, but from the looks of the scene it had happened quite a while ago. Most of the blood was dried, and all the victims were icy and completely devoid of life.

_I can't dwell here. If I do, more will die somewhere else._

His expression dark, grim, lifeless, he disappeared into the trees without looking back.

_I could have saved you._

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><p>Broken. Empty. He watched Petra's lifeless body tumble out of the cart and flop onto the ground below like a ragdoll. He shivered, though he doesn't think any noticed. His mind was clouded and his body was cold. "H-H-Heichou?" The man next to him repeated. Levi broke out of his trance with a start. "What? What do you want?"<p>

"I just wanted to make sure you're all right."

"That's none of your concern."

"I'm sorry, Heichou."

He felt nothing but cold pressing in around him.

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><p>"I'm Petra's father, thank you for taking care of my daughter!"<p>

Numb. Only numb. Each word feels like a knife. And with each stab he feels weaker.

_I don't have the strength to tell him._

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><p>Levi staggered towards his bed, half the day feeling like an echo. The edges of his vision were tinted white. Nothing felt real. Perhaps feeling nothing would be better than feeling anything at all. Acting emotionless to enforce authority. Just like always.<p>

He drifted into a struggled sleep.

"I'm sorry, Captain Levi."

He heard the words, but not their source. He stood in a room, surrounded by endless walls of white. As if his mind didn't care enough to think of a backdrop.

"It's not your fault."**

He recognized the voice, and falls to his knees. He decided to block it out. Numb. He wish he felt numb like he had several hours before. He wants to feel nothing.

But instead, he feels a hand on his shoulder.

He doesn't look up.

"P-please. Heichou. Please understand. You can't blame yourself for this."

Levi shattered. Everything swirled around him as his eyes burned. He couldn't hold back the tears anymore, they freely flowed now. He didn't respond to her.

_Dammit. S-stop. I-I don't want this._

Petra gave up on talking to him, instead she kneeled down and wrapped her arms around Levi's back, holding him in an embrace he didn't have the strength to pull away from. Levi choked, trying as hard as he could to suppress any emotions. He wanted this dream to end. This pain was worse than death.

"It's okay," Petra rested her head on his shoulder. "This isn't like you, you know. Crying."

Levi didn't respond, or react in any way.

Petra's eyes clouded as tears formed in her eyes. "Please, Heichou! Say something! Anything! I just want to hear your voice."

"S-s-stop... S-stop... Dammit! Stop!" Levi cried out suddenly. Petra loosened her embrace a bit in surprise, but she didn't let go. "Stop torturing me! J-just stop..." Levi was choking on words, struggling to form sentences.

Tears had begun to slide down Petra's cheeks. "This is why you shouldn't hold your emotions in like that. They have to come out sometime. P-please... Just listen to me."

"You only want me to s-suffer." Levi growled, though his voice cracked. "This is such a fucked up dream... Damn. If this is my brains attempt to make me feel better, it's bull."

"I just needed to talk to you. One more time."

"W-what do you want from me?"

"You need to know that none of this is your fault. You couldn't have known, or have changed the outcome of what we did. If you were there, all of us would be dead. None of us blame you."

Levi closed his eyes tightly, slowing his tears. How dare he show weakness, even in a dream. "I don't believe you. This is just something my mind made to make me feel better. I'll never feel better. I'll always carry this weight."

"Heichou... Please believe me. Please. I care about you. Everyone does. We don't want to watch you suffer like this. I understand that this will always be with you, but so will we. We'll help you carry the weight. We'll never leave you," Petra smiles. "It would take more than a titan to make us abandon our captain," She wipes the tears from her face and grins, pulling away from Levi and turning him towards her. "Got it?" Levi's face was red, but he nodded. "I just never wanted you to go."

"I'll never be gone. I'll never leave you. I love you Levi," she blushes a bit. "So I'll never let anything happen to you. I've got your back. We all do. You might not see me, or Olou, or Gunther or Eld, but we'll be watching out for you. You just need to have faith in us." Her eyes shine with tears.

"I believe you."

"Kick some titan ass for me, okay? Just like always?"

Levi smiled a melancholy smile. "Just like always."

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><p><strong>I don't know about you, but I feel like I've been hit by a train. The feels train. This was so incredibly painful to write so I hope you enjoy it. Sorry for writing something so depressing... I'm a darker person when it comes to fanfiction. And it's Attack on Titan, aren't your feelings dead yet? Mine are. *strokes Marco's hair and hugs Petra*<strong>

**The only show that has ever made me feel truly dead inside.**

**THIS IS A ONE-SHOT. However, I MIGHT make it a Multi-chapter story if I get enough interest. I thought about making it a chapter story, but I decided I don't want to put a bunch of work into something nobody even reads. If I do, it'd probably go off as how after Levi's dream, he can see Petra and the others when nobody else can. I have a few ideas, but I'd like to know if this is even something worth working off of. Chances are high I'll just keep it short and sweet. And by sweet I mean you horrendously sobbing in your closet. That's what I did, at least.**

****= here's the point I started crying. ;^;**


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